It’s been a week since I moved here in Amsterdam to relax a bit, find a work and, possibly, start a new chapter of my life.

I can’t hide it: This city is pretty beautiful. From the area I live in (which is supposed to be the suburbs, but looks stunning and it’s only 10 minutes from downtown) to the lovely city centre canals, Amsterdam looks really good and sort of a northern version of Venezia, which is nothing less than amazing. If you leave aside the red light district and its endless mass of tourists and junkies on drugs, even by night this city really has some nice sights and a very particular atmosphere. Pretty much can be said for the local people, which are very gentle, kind, and always willing to help you: I haven’t met a rude person in seven days, something that in Italy wouldn’t take more than seven minutes. Just saying.

In these days I have mainly strolled around town, enjoying its modest and comfortable dimensions and the many people walking in the streets coming from all parts of the world and from all sorts of backgrounds, which has been a very refreshing experience. Thanks to my cousin and our friend living with us, I had the chance to meet many new friends as well, all of them with a story to tell and experiences to share and always willing to help me with any information I need, whose I also had some very nice moments hanging out around the city.

Still, despite the experiences I made in the last days are all positive, I can’t deny this is a huge change from the life I lived until a week ago: And while this is definitely a positive thing, at the same time it brings some questions inside me.

Indeed, I can’t hide the fact that for the moment I somehow feel like an alien here. Not only because the place is still relatively new to me, but also for what I hear and see in people, people of the same age as me who achieved goals and built something in their lives that are still following with passion to secure they future they want: They are open people, they are happy with what they do, they have problems and situations to solve, and much more. Seeing all this life coming out from them, their words and faces makes me realize how much time I have wasted in my life doing absolutely nothing, except for burning eight years of my life working for a pay that nobody wanted. Not a project for my future, not a relationship, not a single plan: other than a few (yet very important) desires I wanted to come true, I did absolutely nothing. Which kinda makes me feel ashamed when someone asks me “what did you do before coming here?”: I can’t help but feel somehow inferior to them. I’m not saying they never had a problem or something to feel ashamed of, nor that I am really inferior to them, but I can’t help but feel this way sometimes, even though for just a moment.

This proves to me how I can’t completely leave behind my past at the moment: who could, after all, after so little time? But the end of a chapter never comes without a certain impact. It’s just normal.

Still, while being generally positive, these thoughts occur to me while walking alone in the streets of the city looking for a job, or just watching at people while drinking a beer. Or maybe looking for someone like me.

Foto 08-07-15 01 04 00

Green Day – Boulevard of Broken Dreams


4 thoughts on “Amsterdam

  1. Whenever I improve myself in some significant way (like losing 30 pounds and getting in shape, or studying Japanese diligently for several months, or escaping from a bad personal or employment situation), I always start getting down on myself, thinking things like “I can’t believe I was that bad for so long,” or “What took me so long to fix that?” But then the slowly-earned wisdom of advanced age takes over, and I realize that all that matters is living in the present and looking toward the future.

    You’ve taken this enormous step forward. You learned more about yourself during those past eight years than you think you have learned. Stop beating yourself up. Move on from what and where you are right now. Otherwise, you will be validating that old saying, “Youth is wasted on the young.”

  2. Renewing my best wishes for your future, I honestly think these are words written by someone who still looks to his back, even if he closed the door. Look forward, really.

    • I admit I still completely can’t left my past behind, but I’ll hopefully get over it. Actually, I need to do so in order to proceed. So I’m gonna do it. Thanks for always being here man.

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