I’m on the road back home in this moment: We drove through the Netherlands, Germany, Austria, and now we are in northern Italy. I had the chance to see some pretty beautiful panoramas on the way, and the sun is high in the sky, which makes me feel better after almost a month of depressing weather made of clouds, rain and killer wind.
My adventure in Amsterdam is over. It’s not that I wanted to leave now: I simply had to.
Indeed the original plan was for me to stay in this house with my cousin, a friend of ours, and another italian guy for two months, until the end of August. But despite the clear “deadline” of my staying, my cousin assured me I could stay almost as much as I wanted by simply living upstairs from the beginning of September, which I did, until Monday night a discussion came out from our friend: He said the fact I was still there kinda irritated him, cause there was a clear deadline for my staying, and he’s completely right on that. My mistake was in taking my cousin’s word of living upstairs for the next months too accurately. The four of us then had a brief argument on the matter (no fighting, we talked about it openly without problems) and we agreed on the only solution available: I could have lived there for another two weeks. Of course, finding a job and a house in the Netherlands in two weeks is plain impossible (I couldn’t make it in two months) so I decided to leave yesterday, two days after that discussion that left a bitter taste in my mouth despite not wounding anyone.
I can’t deny that these two months in Amsterdam have been very stressful: I had to face many problems, from walking every single day for six or more hours around the Holland capital to leave CVs and looking for a job, the crazy long waiting for the fiscal number necessary to work and do anything, to the incredible absurdity of banks that didn’t want me to open an account, and washing dishes in a restaurant that didn’t pay me, all of this while still looking for a job, a house, and working as much as possible on my website, other than doing regular stuff in the house that you need to do when living with other people. Most of the time I’ve been alone, excluding some nice weekends spent with my cousin and some friends.
Simply put, it was the tiring and stressful experience of leaving your home for the first time and learn to live with other people that I needed to do. I needed it to grow up and to know what it means to do everything by yourself, without your parents wiping your ass and washing your clothes. And I’m honestly glad I did it.
Plus, I realized that Amsterdam is not a city for me
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very cool and beautiful city to live in, and people is great. I wrote about all the good things in it, and I still admire it. But for my personal tastes, it misses that “sparkle” that makes me truly love a place. So while leaving the city to go back home has been a sad decision, on the other hand, this is something that would have probably happened anyway. To live in a new place means doing lots of sacrifices, I did many, but at some point I realized it wasn’t worth it anymore for a place I didn’t fully enjoy.
So yeah, this is how I decided to leave Amsterdam. My parents were in a vacation in the Netherlands when all this happened, so I took the chance to go back home with them by car.
I don’t know what’s waiting for me in the future. I don’t have a job anymore, but that doesn’t worry me that much in this moment, even though it should. For now I just need to gather everything, all my ideas and thoughts, to plan the next step. Hopefully this experience will make me more tolerant and patient towards my place and the reality surrounding me in Italy. I can’t wait to see my grandmother, my friends, and my dog. I’m excited to see them again.
I’ll definitely need a relaxing period after all this. I’m glad to be enriched by another experience, despite not being totally positive, and of still having that one thing to hang on to. Some nice ideas came to my mind during my trip back home.
P.S: Thanks for your constant moral support. I really appreciate it, and it gives me strength. Love you!