Walking in circles

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During the last month I started suffering from anxiety disorders. I’ve never really suffered from it before, not in concerning forms at least, but it’s getting me a bit worried now. It just happens in certain situations, while traveling in the car when not driving for example, but also when doing regular stuff at home or when I’m out. I can’t seem to get out of this stressful state of mind.

Days are confused. I spend half the time trying to figure out what I should write and what to do, and the other half sending emails, with nothing done as a result except for getting even more stressed. The remaining time I do some woodworking stuff to help a friend, but not every day.

I’m wondering if it’s really my thing. I’m still not giving up on it, but at the same I question myself a lot: It’s my dream, but it’s a torturing one, made even more difficult by the fact that I have no qualification for it, and by the competitive and cruel nature of this sector. So I could give up on it, but thinking about doing the life everyone does here is just out of discussion.

I feel restless, and tired of working on my dream and on all the other aspects of my life without seeing a single result. It’s been like this for years. Nothing changed, nothing is changing. Just me walking in circles, getting tired of myself. Will it ever end? Truth is, I need someone in my life right now. Not someone in particular. Just someone.

K: “I just want someone”
J: “It’s the biggest thing you could ever ask for”

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